Far too often we see ceremonies that are built without the input of the couple. This results in a cookie cutter ceremony, one with many elements that do not represent the couple at all. Celebrant's believe that because it is your ceremony, you should have a say in how it goes!

After I have read the planning form and the questionnaires, I stop and think about who you are as a couple. I consider the things you do together in your spare time. I consider books that you love, movies you like, songs you sing together in the car. Then, I get my hands dirty! Spending lots of time digging around, I find or create ideas for you to consider in relation to rituals you might use, readings you might like, creative processional ideas and much more. You name it, I come up with ideas for you! I had a bride recently tell me that she would do all of the research but was greatly relieved to find out that I would do that for her!

Once I've gathered ideas I put them all together in a document outline and I send it to you to go over. This is where your input is so valuable and by giving me feedback about what you like and don't like you help me to create a ceremony that really fits you. The outline I send consists of elements that you have shared that you liked (such as unity rituals, vows, etc.) as well as elements that I think you might also like. We then work together to decide how these elements fit together in the ceremony and I prepare to write! By the end of the outline, you should feel that you have chosen elements that you love and can see yourself being a part of on the big day.

Next week-Drafting and how you play the biggest role of all

The most important thing about a Celebrant ceremony is getting to know the couple. I'm not talking about just meeting up with them once and calling it a day. No! I MUST know my couples to write a ceremony that really fits who they are. There are several ways that I learn about you.

First, I always need to know some of the ceremony logistics such as when you will arrive, who I will need to be in contact with on the day of, who's walking the bride/groom down the aisle, and much more. In order to learn about those aspects of your big day I send out the planning form. Filling this out gives me an idea of how you see the big day progressing and who will be part of it. Through this form I will also learn what color outfit you would like me to wear and the attire color of the wedding party. It might seem silly for me to know these things but it's one step of discovering how I can make your ceremony perfect.

After you have completed the planning form I send both you and your betrothed a list of questions designed to help me get to know your love story as well as more about you both individually. I ask that you answer these questions SEPARATE from one another and that you NOT share your answers until after both have been sent. The differences in what you say helps me craft your ceremony and bring to focus the feelings of you each individually.

Once a couple has sent me the planning form and the questions, we move on to the next step!

Next week-the outline

Here begins a blog series about the process I take from start to finish with my clients!

The process usually begins when a potential client contacts me through WeddingWire, The Knot, or through my website. An e-mail comes to me with the information of the couple and I always respond. Depending on my availability for the day of the wedding, I plan to meet up with the couple! If I am not available, I always offer other Celebrants as suggestions.

Sometimes, especially if you live in the same area as I do, our meeting will take place at a coffee shop, normally a Starbucks (it's a great, relaxing place to chat). Other times, if a client lives out of town or out of the state, I will have to meet with them over Skype or FaceTime. 

No matter where we meet up, the initial conversation is usually the same. I spend some time hearing about you and what you are looking for in an officiant. Then, I explain how a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant is different than your ordinary officiant and explain how I can be of service to you. At that point, when you choose me as your Celebrant, we sign the contract, collect the first half of the payment (check, cash, or card), share e-mail addresses and phone numbers (if we haven't already) and I make plans to send you a few items to move the process along!

The initial conversation usually takes between 20 and 30 minutes but by the end of our meeting you will have a great idea of who I am as a person, what I do as a Celebrant, and how I can help you make your ceremony dreams come true!



Next week-The questionnaires and planning form

Weddings are an incredibly stressful time. For the bride, groom, and their families, they have been spending a year or more preparing for this wonderful day. Not to mention spending a lot of money to make things go smoothly. Wanting to make sure it goes according to plan can put a lot of stress into the big day itself. This past weekend I had the privilege of being my sister’s maid of honor as she married the wonderful man she had been engaged to for several years. I learned a few things about weddings from the inside.

1.  Use Skype!

My brother-in-law has a friend that lives on an entirely different continent and though he was planning to fly out to be in the wedding, was unable to. Not to fear of course! He and his wife were able to watch the ceremony from all the way across the world. If you have family or friends that cannot make the ceremony due to their location or health consider using Skype or FaceTime to allow them to watch from afar. You can pull up either of these on a cell phone, iPad, or laptop.

2.  Phones

We are attached to our phones these days and it can be really hard to put them down and enjoy the ceremony. That being said, it might be a good idea to ask people to keep their phones in their pockets during the ceremony itself. This will keep your guests from becoming distracted by social media and instead keep them tuned in to your very special day. Of course I say take those phones out at the reception and consider using an Instagram hashtag like #AndersonMcDonaldWedding to capture all of your pictures in one spot.

3.  Organizational Boxes

At one point in the day before we all got dressed, my sister wanted us to take a picture together in our monogrammed button down shirts she had given us as gifts. This picture was to take place on the bed in the bridal suite. The problem was that the bed was taken over by everyone’s things and we had to quickly move all of the things from the bed to the floor in order to get the picture my sister wanted. This made it confusing at the end of the night when we were packing up because we had to determine which things belonged to which woman in the bridal party. To make things a little more orderly, consider decorating boxes for each person in your party to keep their things in on the day of the wedding. This will make the process of locating items and cleanup much easier at the end of the night.

4.  Hotels vs. House Rental

When you have a lot of people coming in from out of town, out of the state, or out of the country (like my sister and her husband) it can be tempting to decide to rent a house in the neighborhood where all of these people can stay. This might be a good idea for some people but for others it might only be a source of stress. If you are thinking of renting a house, consider the ages and maturity levels of the people who will be staying at the house. If the people staying have babies, you might not want to worry about things getting broken and instead have them get a hotel. If they are older adults then it might make more sense to rent a house rather than have them get a hotel room. Even though it was successful in my sister’s case it might not be successful in your situation.

5.  Guest Book

For some strange reason the guest book was being signed as people walked in. I don’t believe this was my sister’s original intention but it happened. This meant that there was a long line to get into the ceremony location which pushed back the time the wedding was meant to start. Make sure that you have the guest book ready at the reception location instead. This will keep the wedding flowing smoothly. You might also consider having friends man the guest book to make sure people sign it before they leave.

6.  Helpers

Choose someone to help you out on the day of the wedding with things the wedding party cannot do. During cocktail hour we took some pictures of the whole wedding party. When we were done we needed to find a way to get the bridal party’s bouquets into the reception space to use as head table centerpieces. This is where a helper comes in to play. You will have lots of little things to get done during the day and having a helper or two around will make you much less stressed.

Overall, remember to enjoy your day. Smile! This is exciting stuff you’re doing. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it and make sure you stay hydrated and eat enough food!

A few weeks ago I had to share with a couple that I could not be their Celebrant due to another ceremony I have the same day and the same time. It made me question when the right time to seek a Celebrant or other officiant is and how to know which one is right for you.

The first thing you have to consider is how far out your ceremony is. Remind yourself that wedding season gets busy quickly. From April to October officiants are very busy on the weekend. If you take too long in choosing your officiant, the person cannot guarantee that they will be available for you. You might not get the officiant you really want! Choosing your officiant early is very important to make sure your day, time, and perfect Celebrant is available.

You should also consider the officiant you are choosing and the type of ceremonies they write. If you are choosing an officiant that does not do customized ceremonies and you are seeking a ceremony of this type then you may not need to find an officiant as early in your engagement. However, if you are looking for a ceremony officiant like a Celebrant that creates customized ceremonies, that person will need more time to craft your ceremony. The longer you wait to find them, the less time you allow them to create the perfect ceremony for you.

Overall, it is important that you pick your officiant early. It is so easy to gloss over the ceremony when you are busy with the many other parts of your special day but remember that the sooner you pick your officiant, the happier your day will be!

“What makes you so different from any other officiant?”

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted to my blog but I certainly did not forget about it! I have discussed two things that make me different than any other officiant. First, I wrote about my ceremony structure and the adding in of your personal story. Then, I wrote about my rituals and how I create them to fit you. Tonight I finish off my blog series about what makes me different from other officiants!

3. Writing Time

Upon doing some research I learned that many officiants spend between 10 to 15 hours of work writing a wedding ceremony. Some spend less time than this! As a Celebrant, I devote 25 to 30 hours on your ceremony. It might seem like a lot of time but my clients are worth every second. During those hours I spend my time hovering over a computer, sitting in a library, and calling my connections to research rituals that will be unique for each couple. This means tons of notes (think back to all your days in school) and my ceremonies are the tests I’m preparing for.

Once I have done the research, I spend time at the computer writing. I start with one draft then revise and edit several times before it gets sent to my couples. When it is finally sent out for final approval, you can be assured that I have spent a lot of time on research and draft writing meaning that there should only be a few changes that need to be made by you, the couple.

After you have read the draft, sent me your thoughts, changes, and so on, I revise it yet again, for a final time. This is the ceremony that will be presented at your wedding. You have full control over it during my writing process and can change or add anything you like. I take my time to add in all to details you wish or remove any you wish to keep out.

Your love and journey is important and should be presented with care on the day of your wedding. Taking my time, 10 to 30 hours, I create a ceremony that you, your family, and friends will love!

What makes you so different from any other officiant?”  

Earlier in the week I shared that I get this question all the time and it is time to explain a little more. I also shared that one thing that makes me different from other officiants is my ceremony structure. But there are many other aspects of my practice that make me different. Here is part two!

2. Rituals

Before becoming a Celebrant, when I heard the word “ritual” I automatically thought of a religious experience. In doing some research it seems that this is the definition of the word almost everywhere so it is no wonder I would think religion right away! As a Celebrant, I look at ritual as a way to celebrate and honor different aspects of what it means to become a married couple.

In the past the unity candle was a ritual often seen at weddings. If you are not familiar with this ritual, both members of the couple have a taper candle that is lit. Together they light a larger candle while a blessing is said. It is a very beautiful ceremony but seems to be less and less frequently used in weddings. I suspect this is due to the high wind we tend to get in Colorado during the early Summer months.

A variation of the unity candle ritual is the sand ceremony. This is the same idea except with the use of sand. Both members of the couple have a container of sand, each a different color. Together they pour their sand into a larger container mixing the two colors together while a blessing is said. Again, a great unity ritual and with no issues caused by wind (unless you get sand in your mouth in the process)!

These rituals are not bad to use at all of course. Both are beautiful and meaningful. But what happens if you want something a little different? What happens if you want to have a beer ceremony on your wedding  day to celebrate your unity and your love of craft beer? What happens if you and your partner are Harry Potter nerds and want to make an Unbreakable Vow instead? Or maybe you are like me and need a highly logical Vulcan blessing! That is where I come in. As a Celebrant I work with my clients to build rituals around who they are as people. This means that we can get as creative (or not so creative) as you would like!

I also work with interfaith and multicultural couples. These couples are looking for a ceremony that includes elements from both of their religious or cultural backgrounds. Once I get to know my clients I work these elements in smoothly and meaningfully.

Your wedding ceremony and the rituals included should be focused on who you are as individuals and as a couple. The time I spend getting to know my clients helps me create these rituals that leave all in attendance with a memorable experience!

What makes you so different from any other officiant?” 

I’ve been hearing this question a lot lately from friends, family, and even people I’ve just met! The good news is that this is a great question to ask especially if you are looking to use a Celebrant as your wedding officiant.

So, what is it that makes me, a Celebrant, different from another officiant? There are many things that make me different (and in my opinion, more awesome)!

1. My ceremony structure
Many officiants tell the story of love and marriage in the general term. How many times have you been at a wedding and heard, “Love is a beautiful thing. You are in love and it too is a beautiful thing,” or something along those lines. Or this one, “Marriage is a commitment between two people. Hold on to that commitment well.” I take a different approach. While I talk about love and marriage and how great they are, I tell your story. Yup. You read that correctly. I tell your story. You and your fiancé have a beautiful love story! I love telling it!

Instead of the above quotes, picture these instead. “Melissa and John met on a Sunday afternoon while walking their dogs in the arctic freeze. They did not know that love was around the corner but when Melissa fell on the ice and John helped her up, she had to take him up on the offer of a date!”

or this:

“It isn’t easy being in love for so long and not being able to marry but Thomas and Sean have made the best of it all these years. Today, after 12 years of being together, their marriage means more now that it could have meant then.”

Your story is the foundation of my ceremony writing. I won’t spend my time talking about how great love and marriage are. Instead, I’ll spend my time talking about how great you are as a couple, how great your love is, and how great your marriage will be!

Stay tuned for part two coming up soon!