 When you discover that you have to sign a contract, do you cringe a little? Maybe you’re like me and you get really excited because you know that a vendor has a contract which means you’re both totally safeguarded. Yeah. I know. I’m weird. There’s just something about a little contract in the morning to perk you right up! Contracts are important because they protect both you and your vendor in case something should go wrong. Contracts should be celebrated! When you get married, I promise that you will sign a TON of contracts. Every vendor will throw one at you, ask you to read it and understand it, then sign it. It can be overwhelming. Vendor contracts aren’t the only contract you’ll sign for your wedding though. You’ll also sign you marriage license! Yes. This is a contract between you and your spouse and yes...it should be taken seriously. Think about it. Just like when a contract is broken between you and a vendor could be costly and problematic, breaking a marriage contract and getting a divorce is just as much of a hassle. When I’m working with my clients, I take the marriage license very seriously and if you are in the process of planning a wedding, you should take the license seriously too. Here are my top three marriage license tips. 
 Your big day is going to be amazing. You know it. I know it. You’ve been planning and it’s all finally coming together. Just don’t forget the marriage license! Remember that this is the whole reason you are putting this shindig together! Take the marriage license seriously because it is what legally binds you together. Which sounds a little bit scary when you put it that way, but it is also the best part about choosing to get married. You’re in it all together!
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A few days ago I hinted on my social media channels that I have something big coming up and that I’m working on becoming a Master Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®. In the world of Celebrancy, this is a really big deal and I’m excited to share with you exactly what it means. But first, I want to tell you about the Celebrant Foundation and Institute and the current credentials I have from this wonderful school. The Celebrant Foundation and InstituteIn 2001, the Celebrant Foundation and Institute was born. The idea of Celebrancy, that is, the art of creating beautiful custom ceremonies, originated in Australia and New Zealand. When it was realized how few non-denominational ceremonialists we had in the United States at the time, it was decided that the Celebrant Foundation and Institute would be created. The goal of the Institute is to educate students on the crafting of ceremonies. The Celebrant Foundation and Institute describes Certified Life-Cycle Celebrants® in this way: “Life-Cycle Celebrants® bridge generations by creating ceremonies that are a genuine expression of the honoree celebrated. Each ceremony is a unique reflection of personal rites of passage, transitions or celebrations. They are empowering testimonies of life that become treasured legacies to be passed down from one generation to the next.”  The school offers courses in a variety of ceremony types including the three that I am certified in: Weddings, ceremonies across the life-cycle, and funerals. My Certifications I get asked all the time by potential clients, “what made you decide to become a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®?” I had discovered the Celebrant Foundation and Institute in the Toastmasters magazine years ago in the advertisement section. I chose not to pursue that path at the time because I was also going to college to become a teacher. At the time, I wasn’t sure if these two things would fit into my world together. Years later when my grandmother passed away, we had the opportunity to have a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant® perform the funeral and I knew right then and there that we had to hire her. I had done the research and I knew about the amazing ceremonies that these people created! After the funeral, as odd as it sounds, I walked away thinking that it was the best funeral I’d ever been to. I know, it sounds really strange. Can a funeral really be “the best?” This one was. It was in that moment that I knew I HAD to become a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant® so that I could help others experience the same profoundly life changing experience of an amazing ceremony. The first certification I got was in weddings. Weddings have my heart for sure! I love working with my couples(brides/grooms, brides/brides, grooms/grooms, gender variance couples...I love them all and I work with them all)! I was drawn to weddings in part because I felt that writing for funerals was much more challenging, and in a lot of ways it is. With weddings, I usually have several months to craft a ceremony, I really get to know my clients, and we come up with something amazing just for them. My second certification was in ceremonies across the life-cycle. Yes, that’s super vague so I’ll explain. This certification is for ceremonies that don’t really fit the weddings category and the funerals category. Ceremonies that might fall into this realm of work include: -Baby namings/welcomings -Retirement parties -Coming-of-age ceremonies -Housewarming ceremonies -Coming out ceremonies The possibilities with this certification are endless! Even though I can do these types of ceremonies, I don’t market them in part because not many people understand what they are all about. It seems also that the general population isn’t ready to take these types of ceremonies on. My hope is that as I move through my Celebrant practice, I can expand the minds of the community to help them see how powerful ceremony can be for many events in their lives. The final certification I worked toward was my funerals certification. No. I don’t really do funerals, and when I do it’s usually pro-bono. There is a lot of stress with funerals. In this world the Celebrant is working with clients who are grieving and even though we keep control of our own emotions during this time of pain for them, it is exhausting to hold space for grieving families. Funerals also need to be delivered very quickly after you’ve gotten the client. Usually with funerals the ceremony is taking place only a few days after the passing of a loved one. It can be stressful to put together a ceremony that quickly! It’s really just not for me. I got this certification solely so that I could become a Master Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®.  What is a Master Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®?Ok so, what is a Master Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®? These folks are the ones who have fallen in love with ceremony and ritual and continue to dedicate their time to learning all there is about the ceremony and ritual world. Master Certified Life-Cycle Celebrants® have to complete at least three certification courses and then complete the Master program (which is a lot like a Masters program at a traditional University). When a Celebrant becomes a Master Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®, it means that they have a deep understanding of the ceremony world, public speaking, and interacting with clients. They have a heart for their work and are professionals through and through, dedicated to growing, learning, and helping the community bring ceremony into their everyday lives. Why did I choose to become a Master Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®? I have seen the power of ceremony at work in people’s lives. I have been moved so often at how excited couples are to learn that they can have a ceremony that is not only 100% unique to them, but also a ceremony performed by a professional public speaker. Their eyes light up when they realize that they can have a ceremony that is so much more than the typical! I have seen the power of ceremony at work in the funeral world. When a family gets to hear the story of their passed loved one told again through someone else’s words...it’s profound. It’s beautiful...and it moves people through their grief. Ceremony and ritual have the power to change the world. They have the power to move us all through huge, monumental changes in our lives, and unfortunately, ceremony and ritual are underutilized. We often hire the cheapest person to create a ceremony because we don’t understand how important ceremony and ritual are. We don’t understand how a well done ceremony can move mountains, or at least begin to move some of the boulders out of the way so that we can climb those mountains ourselves. THIS is why I am working toward becoming a Master Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®. I want to help those in my community begin to move through the changes in their lives in a more meaningful way, a way that ends with them feeling stronger and more empowered at the end of it all.   Last week I got an email from a bride. She seemed overwhelmed, stressed out, and wasn’t quite sure what to do. Her concern? Their children. One of them is a toddler, and a quite vocal one at that. He’s a daddy’s boy through and through (happy late Father’s Day by the way!) and when he’s not able to hang with dad, he’s not a happy camper. The other child is an infant. A little one only six months old. She’s not so much of an anybody’s girl just yet, and she doesn’t actually make a whole lot of noise. The bride isn’t so worried about their infant daughter as she is their son. Her fear, and a legitimate one, is that their son will lose his cool during their nuptials and run to dad, causing a scene for the ceremony. My bride just doesn’t know what to do! What I’m about to tell you MIGHT sound a little harsh, and I’m apologizing now if it comes off that way. My goal here really is to make sure you are as well prepared as possible for the chance that your child, or someone else's, may fly of the handle on your big day. So here’s part one: Part One-Your Kid/Kids
The following situation is one I actually witnessed and it was stressful for everyone. At a wedding I attended as a guest (I was not a vendor mind you), the bride and groom had a five year old child. This little lady was a mamma’s girl and she wanted to be up with her mom during the ceremony. The bride’s mother had been put in charge of the little girl so every time the little girl went running up to her mom, the bride’s mother went up after her to grab her. Each time the little girl went up, was told she couldn’t, and brought back to her seat, the louder the little girl cried. It was uncomfortable for everyone involved. In part, because we couldn’t hear the officiant. We also missed the vows section of the ceremony because the little girl was wailing so loudly. The videographer, who is a good friend of mine, told me later that he would have to scrap a lot of the ceremony footage because of the constant wailing. After the ceremony, I caught up with the bride in her dressing room after she’d taken some pictures. She broke down crying because she didn’t know what to do when her daughter started crying. The bride didn’t want to tell her little girl “no,” but the bride also felt like she missed out on an amazing ceremony opportunity because of her daughter. If you have children and you are planning to have them at your wedding, it is your job to find a plan B for disruptive behavior like this. It’s one thing if a little baby is crying in the back of the seating area. It’s quite another if a child is wandering up to the ceremony space to intervene. As a Celebrant, I cannot stress enough how uncomfortable it is for me to officiate ceremonies where children are not given parameters. In those situations I have to make a decision: do I ask someone to grab the child so that we can continue the ceremony and risk looking like I hate kids? (P.S. I don’t hate kids. I teach 6th graders) OR do I let the ceremony continue with a child crying so loudly that no one can hear and risk the couple being angry with me because their videographer couldn’t pick any of their words up over the crying? It’s a rock and a hard place folks, and it’s not one that’s fun to be in! This is why I tell my clients, it is YOUR responsibility to know what to do with your child if they begin to lose their cool. Outside of the officiant being impacted by this situation, photographers and videographers are as well. When you hire a videographer, they are going to put a microphone on the groom and it will pick up both of you speaking. They will also put a microphone on me so they can pick up the ceremony. When you’re trying to read your vows or exchange rings while holding a crying child, that’s what the microphone will pick up. All of that money you spent on hiring a videographer is going to feel like it was wasted a little bit because you didn’t pick up good video of the ceremony. And your photographer. They need to be able to see you! They want to get pictures of your face in this happy moment. If your face is being obscured by a little one who is crying and kissing you and pleading with you to stay up there, again, you will look back on those photos and realize that there aren’t many of you to see.  What might you do with your own children in this case? First of all, make sure you have a family member or friend that is ok with missing part of the ceremony to help. I mean that. You will possibly need this person to miss out on the ceremony to take your child out of the space. It sounds harsh, sure, to have to remove your child from the ceremony site, but you are spending a LOT of money on this. Like...a lot. Between your awesome officiant (which should totally be a Celebrant), your venue, the decorations, videography, and photography, the ceremony is an expensive piece of your day. It’s also an important part of your day. This is the part where you actually legally get married. Let me say that again for the people in the back. This. Is. The. Part. Of. Your. Day. Where. You. Actually. Legally. Get. Married. This is a pretty big deal. You PROBABLY want that part in your pictures and on video. Just ask a friend. Any friend worth their weight in gold will understand the request. You could even come up with a signal to indicate to them that they need to take your child somewhere else. Part Two-Other people’s Kid/Kids This is a little bit more tricky and one of the reasons I recommend that children not be invited to a wedding. I know. Ouch Heather. Dang. I thought you liked kids? I do. I do! Don’t get me wrong here! But, that being said, a wedding is an adult event. It is two adults doing an adult thing (which sounds kind of dirty but you know what I mean). These are two adults signing a legal contract, drinking alcohol, and hanging with friends and family. It’s not exactly the best place for kids. When I gave one of my friends her save-the-date, she came up to me and the following conversation ensued: “Hey Heather, are kids invited to your ceremony?” “Hey Lynn! No actually. We’re hoping to keep it to adults only.” “Ok, that’s so smart. Weddings are for adults anyway.” So even my friend Lynn knew to expect her children would not be invited. If you’re worried about other people’s children causing a scene at your wedding, I suggest you just don’t invite them. Ask your friends to make it a date night instead...a night away from the kiddos!  Let’s say though that you have a lot of littles in your family and you want to have them present. That’s fine too. Go for it! But again, it’s going to be up to you to have a plan B. If you are planning to invite children to the wedding, talk with your friends first. Let them know that you are going to have a videographer there and you would like to make sure that the sound quality is the best it can be. Or, if you aren’t going to have a videographer, let your friends with children know that you have been to so many weddings where you could barely hear the officiant and you have hired a great officiant (hopefully a Celebrant) and the ceremony is written so perfectly, that you want everyone to be able to hear it and enjoy it. Then move to asking them to consider taking their children out if they begin to get noisy. Two things will happen after you make this request. The first is that they will totally understand and agree to take their kids from the ceremony space if they begin to get rowdy. The second is that your friend will just decide to keep them at home. The third (hopefully not likely) possibility is that they will think you’re a big fat jerk who hates kids, and in that case, I’m surprised you are friends with that kind of a person. You’re way more sweet and understanding than that! All jokes aside, possibility three has NEVER happened to anyone I know after giving them this advice, so you should be in the clear. What can Officiants do to help? Officiants, yes, it is the job of your clients to figure out what to do with kids on the day of their ceremony, but there’s still some things you can do to make sure things go smoothly.
Main Take-Away The point I want you to take away here is that it is YOUR responsibility as the couple to come up with a plan of action for children. Your vendors, as much as we would love to say we know you, we don’t know you well enough to make these decisions in the moment. This is your big day and we want you to experience it how you want to, but we can’t read minds. Keep us updated on what you expect as well. If you are worried that a child will come up and pester you, let us know so that we can prepare the right wording to ask someone to escort them out. Let us know who you’d like to have escort them out so that we can invite that person up gently to do so. We want to support you. We love you. We love your love story. But this is your day and you are responsible for ensuring that children are taken care of however you best see fit.
 Me and my Dad heading to the Rocky Mountain Bridal Show (: Let’s talk wedding shows. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been to a wedding/bridal show! ✋ I have! I remember when I got engaged a little more than a year ago, I jumped all over that train. There are a lot of them throughout the year, each one offering a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Different vendors of different skill sets come from all over the place to bring their businesses to brides and grooms. And truth be told: each vendor is just as excited to be at the event as you are! We’ll explore some things to consider when you are heading to a bridal show and then I’ll put a shameless plug at the end for one I’m going to be at this month (ok, no shame in my game!). Types of Shows-Big Shows Picture from The Great Bridal Expo Wedding shows are as numerous and diverse as the couples that attend them. That being said, some may be more your speed than others. It’s important to check each event out before you decide to go to determine whether or not it will be the right show for you. If you are into the fast-paced, hustle and bustle (think the mall at Christmas time) you may want to check out some of the bigger wedding shows in your area. In the Denver area, we have the Rocky Mountain Bridal Show which is put on several times a year. This is a HUGE event. Right after I got engaged, this was the only show I went to and it was a really big deal. Big shows like this one are very fast paced which certainly adds to the fun, especially if you go with members of your wedding party. Bigger wedding shows tend to cost a bit of money. The cost for the Rocky Mountain Bridal Show isn’t a big one for general admission-it’s only $10- but it does cost money to attend. In most cases with shows like this, there is one cost if you buy tickets online ahead of time and if you decide to buy tickets at the show when you arrive, the price is slightly higher. For the Rocky Mountain Bridal Show, and many shows, there are also VIP tickets that can be purchased. With those tickets, you might get things like a swag bag, mimosas, a magazine subscription, or other wedding related items. When you arrive at a large event like this be prepared for a fast-paced experience. Your first stop will be the line to get into the event itself. There will be tons of people smiling, wearing cute “bride-to-be” sashes, and laughing with their friends. You’ll notice lots of people moving quickly around you and when you finally get to the table to show proof that you bought a ticket, you’ll more than likely be given the opportunity to sign up for different giveaways or subscriptions before they send you off into the main space where the event is taking place. Entering the space is when the real fun begins. From my own personal experience, after I had my tickets scanned and entered into the event, I became overwhelmed quickly. There were SO MANY people!!! Oh my gosh. I don’t know if I’d ever seen that many people in one place. And all of them were there to learn more about these potential vendors that had their booths set up. This fast-paced atmosphere means that you may have to push your way through crowds of people in order to move anywhere. It may also mean that you may not get to talk with vendors for as long as you’d like to. I found that because of the large amounts of people, I didn’t get much time to interact with any of the vendors at all. Instead, I walked by each booth, smiling at them as they talked with a different couple, and grabbed their card. I ended up with a ton of cards (which was great!) but I didn’t make a whole lot of personal connections. Who would these types of events be best for? Research-driven couples. If you are all about doing research on businesses that you want to work with, you could totally do a wedding show like this. You could go around grabbing business cards without talking to any of the vendors there, and do all of the research from home. Then, after you’ve had a good look at the vendors you like, you could schedule a time to meet with them and make a decision on which ones to pick from there. These types of events would probably work well for you if that’s how you operate. Types of Events-Small Shows  Photo from The Makery Cake Co. http://www.themakery.com/ Here’s where you get to see exactly who I am as a person. Though I LOVE talking with people and in front of people (I do it for a living!) I am also an introvert. I would rather be able to interact with people on a small scale. One-to-one conversation is more my speed. There. I said it. Big wedding shows are NOT my thing (but they are fun). Smaller wedding shows allow for brides and grooms to have conversations with potential vendors, giving them an opportunity to learn a little more about business and the owner, about their expertise, and ask questions they wouldn’t be able to ask at large wedding shows. It also allows couples to get more personal with potential vendors and really determine if that vendor and their personality is right for them to work with. Who are small wedding shows for? Couples that want more connection. If you value having the time to chat and get to know potential vendors on a personal basis, these are probably the shows for you. You will have the opportunity to stop and talk with vendors, ask questions, and possibly take down a few notes while you are there. You may even be able to hire vendors on the spot without feeling rushed! (Thanks to The Makery for letting me use this picture! Click here to visit their website for awesome cakes in the Denver area!) Where I’ll be a Vendor Overland House With all of that said, I’ll be a vendor at a wedding show on February 17th, 2019, taking place at the Buffalo Rose in Golden, Colorado. This place has been the hub of Golden since it was built in 1849. Back then it wasn’t the saloon that it would become in later years. Instead, it was called the Overland House and was a place where Colorado’s Territorial Legislature met (yes. Colorado wasn’t even a state back when this location was built!). Throughout the years, the space would become other places like a garage, a swimming pool, and a department store before finally becoming the Buffalo Rose in 1985. It would become a spot to eat, dance, go to a local concert, and of course, drink! Just last year or so the saloon was closed and I had a bit of a panic. How could you close the heart and soul of my beloved town?! Only later did I find out that the owners were not closing it forever. Instead, they closed up shop for a MAJOR renovation to bring all of the innards of the building up to code while keeping as much as they could of the old-timey feel. (You can find out more history of the Buffalo Rose by clicking here) A few weekends ago, the Buffalo Rose reopened as an event venue. It will continue to serve as a restaurant but it has not opened to the public in this capacity and won’t do so until the Spring of this year. As a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®, I was contacted by the Director of Special Events and asked to participate in their 2019 Winter Wedding Show and of course, being a native of Golden, I said yes. The event will take place from 11-3 and I am overjoyed to be a part of it! I’ll be bringing with me some pictures of unique rituals I’ve performed over the years, examples of other rituals that could be done, and copies of a few of my favorite keepsake ceremonies for engaged couples to see. I expect this to be a really fantastic time and since it’s a smaller scale event, I also expect that I’ll have some time to interact with couples and learn more about them! If you are a couple that likes smaller scale wedding shows that feel like home, I really think this event will be for you! Check out the event page on Facebook by clicking here and consider registering for it. You can meet me and other vendors. Who knows! We might get along so well that we’ll get to work together! I think that would be pretty darn swell!  Photo by Kate Merrill Photography  Photo by Maria Lindsey from Pexels You’re getting married!! Ok, pause right here for a second because I’m really excited for you! You’ve contacted SO many vendors. Seriously, probably too many to count at this point and you’ve definitely started to lose track of everyone! Not only have you contacted a whole host of possible vendors, but you’ve also met with a bunch of them and now they are all starting to rattle around in your head. You are forgetting the names and businesses of people you actually thought you wanted to work with! It is incredibly frustrating! How are you supposed to respond back to each potential vendor? It begins to seem impossible! I was a bride once. In reality, I kind of still am. While I got married back in July of this past year (2018), it was only a small ceremony with our closest family members present. We didn’t have to hire a whole bunch of vendors. The vendors we did choose ended up being the first (and sometimes ONLY) one we talked to in that vendor category. I hate to say it but, we had it easy. Now, my husband and I are getting ourselves prepared for a much larger ceremony taking place in May with ALL of our friends and family present. This has been a much bigger logistical challenge. In short...I get it. There are a lot of vendors to talk to and it’s easy to get confused on which ones you’ve messaged back and which ones you haven’t. It’s easy to start calling that business by the wrong name or forgetting that the owner is Sally and not Jessica. I know. It’s hard. How do you know who to hire?  Photo by bruce mars from Pexels  Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels Obviously, you aren’t going to hire every person you talk to. You might talk with three DJs before choosing the one that you actually want to hire for your celebration. You probably chose her because she was professional but also funny and quirky, maybe just like you. But what about the other three DJs you talked to? They’ll just forget about you and move on right? WRONG! They are actually wondering what in the heck happened to that super nice couple that they talked to over coffee. The one in the relationship who only drank their coffee if there were three ice cubes placed in it first. And the other one who used almost all of the sugar packets to sweeten theirs up. Yes. DJs, and all other vendors wonder what happened to you after you meet with them and they don’t hear back.
Chances are you told the vendor that you would get back to them after you had the chance to meet others. Now you have chosen a vendor from the five you spoke to, you’ve moved on to different areas of planning. What are the vendors you didn’t choose doing? Outside of just waiting for you to get back with them, your vendors are noticing a steady influx of potential new clients. Some of them may even be asking about a date that is VERY close to yours, making the vendor think that perhaps the next potential client that gets in contact with them really WILL be asking about your date. And if they can’t get in touch with you to let you know about another client asking about the same date as your wedding, then suddenly vendors are left with a dilemma. We ask ourselves, “should I keep that date open for that awesome couple I met with a week and a half ago? Will they get back to me after the three follow-up emails I sent? Should I just move forward with this other couple?” It’s a hard place to be in for vendors, and yet we are put in that situation all the time. So here’s what’s up. As you’ve been planning your wedding, you’ve valued those vendors that got back to you quickly. It has been so helpful to have them get in touch with you in a timely manner. You found yourself frustrated with a few vendors who took several days to get back to you and even though you may have really liked them at the start, now that you realize that they aren’t as quick to respond, you begin to wonder about how well they will respond to you as you get closer to your date. The frustration you feel at a lack of communication from potential vendors is the exact same frustration that vendors feel when you don’t get back to them. Often times a vendor, myself included, will send a follow-up e-mail (or two or three) over the course of a week or so. We know you are busy. We know you’ve got other wedding planning things and work things and life things going on, and we want to make sure you know that we didn’t meet with you and then forget about you. So we send follow-up emails to check in. When we don’t hear back we always assume that you’ve gone a different direction. What if you do decide to go in a different direction? That’s ok! We aren’t expecting to book every single client that comes through the door. As vendors, we know that you have specific needs around a budget. We also know that you want our personalities to be a good fit (we want this too). We know that you, in the process of talking with other potential vendors, may have come across someone that you’d prefer to hire over us. Knowing this, it does not offend us when you let us know that you’ve gone in a different direction! Again, we are not expecting to book every.single.couple we come across. It is not going to crush us to hear that you have decided to work with a different vendor. In reality, it really helps us when you share that news with us. You see, it’s important that you respond to our follow-up e-mails. As vendors, we receive many messages each day from potential brides and grooms who all want to meet up with us at this place and that place. They are excited about their weddings and as vendors, we are too! When a vendor is waiting on a potential client to get back to them, it puts the vendor in a difficult position of having to turn down other potential clients that are interested in booking. It means we have to keep your proposal open even after you’ve already decided that you’re moving forward with someone else. So while you have crossed our services off your list, we still have you on ours, just waiting to hear back from you. This can be so easily avoided by simply getting back in touch with not only vendors you HAVE decided to hire, but also vendors that you have decided NOT to hire. Again, I promise you, you will not hurt anyone’s feelings! In fact, you’ll save us some time. We won’t have to check in with you again (which means you don’t have to keep seeing our e-mail address come across your screen), we won’t have to tell other potential couples that we are waiting to hear back from you, and you can move forward with the vendor you did decide to hire. It’s a winning situation for everyone!  There are plenty of times in life when we wish we could do something but we just can’t. We need help! For me, this feels relatively often. For example, I can never reach anything on the top shelf of places like the grocery store, my house, my classroom...you get the picture. I either have to use the help of a chair to stand on, use a little footstool, or ask someone around me. Lucky for me, my sixth graders are taller than I am so they can reach just about anything. And John, my fiancé is also taller than me so I can ask him (and often do) for help reaching the items on the top shelf of our cupboards. I’m always asking for help with things! One thing I hoped I would never have to ask help with is performing a ceremony. I love working with clients to create a ceremony they love, showing up the day of the ceremony, performing the ceremony, and seeing the joy in their faces when they experience their ceremony firsthand. It’s a beautiful feeling even for me! In January I was so excited because I had my first ceremony of the 2018 season at a cute little church in Morrison, Colorado. I’d met with the couple, John and Rhiann, only about a week and a half before their ceremony and we were excited to work together. They were about as sweet as it gets and we created a small ceremony that fit their micro wedding. As the day approached, I knew something was off. John (my fiancé, not the one in the couple) got sick the Tuesday a week and a half before John and Rhiann’s ceremony was set to take place. I did everything I could to stay well. I was NOT going to catch the crud! Low and behold, try as I might, I did catch the crud. That Sunday before Rhiann and John were set to be married (their ceremony was on Thursday), I got sick. Again, I tried everything to get well. I stayed in bed, I took time off of work, I took cough medicine. I tried EVERYTHING. On Tuesday, two days before their ceremony, my voice started to go out. I was in a panic but I called them that night, went over the ceremony with them, changed a few things that they asked to be changed, and we were ready to rock! My voice would come back. I just knew it. On Wednesday, one day before their ceremony, my voice was gone. I mean, there was no tone at all to my voice. I was feeling better that day and I went to work but since I work with kids, I had to be careful not to use my voice too much. The day went by easily. I knew I was still sick but I wasn’t feeling ill. It was just my darn voice! I knew that if I rested long enough it would come back by the next day. Right? I hoped! I knew I had to be prepared for the worst so I sent a text to the bride and groom explaining the situation to them. I then went to work on finding a replacement Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant to fill in for me if I still had no voice the following day. It took a lot of work and a little help from some of the staff at the Celebrant Foundation and Institute and eventually I was able to get in touch with my personal Celebrant and good friend Diane. She moved things around in her schedule and made herself available for the ceremony. Thursday morning came. I woke up and though I was feeling terribly sick I went to work anyway. That lasted about five minutes when I realized that I was much too sick to be at work. AND my voice was still gone! Ok, there was a little tone to it that morning but not enough to perform the ceremony for the couple. I emailed Diane and told her that yes in fact she would be doing the ceremony, sent another text to the couple saying the same, and left work to go sleep off the illness. A few hours later I woke up and went to John and Rhiann’s ceremony. I told them I wouldn’t miss it. I promised and I was going to keep that promise. Though I felt more sick than I had all week, I went and watched as my friend Diane took the ceremony I wrote for John and Rhiann and brought it to life. I was so grateful that she was able to help me out when I was sick and of course I still felt terrible that I couldn’t perform the ceremony myself. It really is important to make sure you have people who have your back in times of need. Situations arise and when they do, you need support. This ceremony is done and over with and I’m so glad it turned out well in spite of me being sick! When have you had to get unexpected help?  Yesterday I met with a lovely couple over coffee to discuss their wedding coming up in October. I was happy to note that they had questions for me! Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of wedding planning, clients don't prepare questions to ask me when we meet up and I'm left giving them answers to some of my frequently asked questions instead. It's all good but I was so happy that they had some questions to ask me this time! One of the questions that came up in our conversation is "what do you charge for travel?" I'm going to attempt to answer that in as simple a way possible. Mile or Minute? The real question becomes, "how much do you charge per mile?" The short answer is that I don't charge per mile at all. Instead, I charge per minute after 30 minutes. Basically what that means is that I will drive 30 minutes for free from my starting location (usually my house but sometimes work) and after that 30 minutes, I charge a small fee (detailed below). I do it this way because let's face it, Denver and the surrounding area are EXPLODING with people and traffic is not always great. What might be a reasonable 10 mile drive, could turn into an hour and a half on the road if traffic is bad which means I'm still running through gas like crazy to wait on traffic! Calculating Travel FeesI calculate travel fees by first looking up the time it will take me to get from my starting location to your venue at the time of day that I would need to get there. For example: if your ceremony is at 5:00 PM, I need to be there by 4:00 PM. I check Google Maps for that time of day to see on average how many minutes it will take me to get to your venue. Easy enough right?
After I learn how long it will take me to get there, I charge fifty cents per minute up there and fifty cents per minute back (not including the first 30 minutes). That calculates to $1.00 per minute outside of 30 minutes. I'll break down the math here: Client venue=46 minutes away from my starting point Celebrant=drives 30 minutes free of charge! Client venue=still 16 minutes away after that 30 minute drive Celebrant=charges $0.50 per minute (after the 30) up there equaling an additional $8.00 to get up there Celebrant=charges $0.50 per minute (after the 30) to get home equaling an additional $8.00 to get back home Add=$8.00+$8.00 to get $16 Celebrant=charges $16 in travel fees to get to and from your venue location after the 30 minute drive There you have it! Hopefully that helps explain how I calculate my travel fees!  When I meet with potential clients I begin my explanation of the work I do by explaining that I am a ceremony and ritual expert. I often find that there is some confusion surrounding what I mean when I use these words and so I dedicate this blog post to my personal definitions of ceremony and ritual. Please note that these are NOT the dictionary definitions...I repeat...these are NOT the dictionary definitions! That being said, if you are interested in reading my take on ritual vs. ceremony, read on. What is Ceremony?-Heather's DefinitionWhen I think of ceremony, I think of an overall, general celebration but not the pieces within it. We can have a whole variety of ceremonies including weddings, commitments, vow renewals, house warmings, baby honorings, full moon ceremonies...you name it, we can do it! I like to think of these titles as the ceremony itself. To me, a ceremony is the full process we take from the start of the ceremony to the end. It's kind of like the forest overall. So then, if the ceremony is the larger piece of things, what on earth is a ritual?? Ah yes, these are the trees within that forest. What is Ritual?-The DetailsI had a situation come up not long ago that looked like this:
Bride-We would like to do the unity candle ceremony. Me- Sure! We can do that ritual! So why did I call the unity candle a ritual and not a ceremony? It's simple really. To me, the rituals are all of the parts in the ceremony that bring you from being an unmarried individual to a married person. This includes things like the ring exchange, the vows, the asking, the unity ritual of your choice, and maybe even breaking the glass at the end. All of these are rituals because they are encapsulated within the overall ceremony itself. An important note on the word "ritual" as well. Too often people think of rituals as having to do with religion of some sort but that is not the case at all! We do rituals all the time to bring us through things. We might wear a lucky sock to an interview or even carry a certain key chain with us while driving because it makes us feel protected (I have a Captain America key chain that serves this very purpose). When the Celebrant you are talking with says the word "ritual" don't panic! They aren't asking you to get all religious! Hopefully this sheds some light on how I use the words "ceremony" and "ritual" when talking with my clients. When working with a wedding professional, don't be afraid to ask what certain words mean or why they are being used a certain way. This is your special day and you deserve to be on the same page as those you are working with!  We all know that the wedding ceremony is only one part of your big day. You've hired tons of help, from DJ's to live musicians, photographers, and the event staff. Each of these people play a critical role in making your celebration happen and I am there to support them. Here's how! Musicians/DJ'sIt doesn't matter if you have a live musician playing as you walk down the aisle or if you plan to have a DJ that will play your processional and recessional music, Whoever will be performing needs to know what songs to play and when to play them! You might even have music somewhere else in the ceremony and the person in control of that should know exactly when they need to come in. In order to make that as smooth as possible for your musician or DJ, I provide a song list and information about when to play each song. If there are words that I say leading up to the song, the musician will know what I plan to say and EXACTLY when to play. This helps to make certain that there are no goof ups! Imagine your ceremony with your music played at the wrong time. I work hard to make sure this doesn't happen and that you get the ceremony you have been dreaming of! Photographers You've probably also hired someone to capture your big day on film (or digitally!) and they should know when great photo opportunities will arise in the ceremony. If you've given me a way to contact your photographer before the ceremony, I will create and send a sheet of times in the ceremony that would be ideal for pictures. Otherwise, the photographer will always get this sheet on the day of your wedding. Of course they will always take pictures of the processional, recessional, and the kiss, but what if you have many different rituals infused in the ceremony that they don't know about? I keep your photographer on the same page as you and I. They will know all of the great rituals that are coming up and where to stand to get the perfect shot for your wedding album! Other Support STaffIf you're getting married at a wedding venue, there are sure to be people there to support you, especially when it comes to the processional. Too often brides and grooms have a picture in their minds of the order they want people walking down the aisle, only for the support staff at the venue to change it all around for the sake of "tradition." You might have been looking forward to having both your father and step-father walk you down the aisle together to be told that this doesn't happen and have to change it at the last minute. Maybe you've always dreamed of walking down the aisle together as a couple instead of having one person await the other at the front. Whatever your dream is for this, I make certain that it becomes a reality. I will always stand up for my couples to help them get the day of their dreams. We will set up the processional BEFORE I ever walk to the front of the crowd. This ensures that you will have the processional you want, no matter how nontraditional that might be!
 Now on to my favorite part: drafting! After you have looked over the ideas I have sent your way and made sure to incorporate your thoughts, I start writing! One of the many questions in my questionnaire is what tone you would like for the ceremony and I take this very seriously. Some people want a funny tone, others want something a little more serious. Combining your choice for tone as well as the ceremony ideas we've decided on, I write your ceremony to fit your needs.
But to me it's not just about writing something and calling that the end of the process. I believe fully that we are a team and that you have the final say in your ceremony. It is not uncommon for me to write something in a ceremony only for a couple to decide they like it worded differently or taken out all together! Don't worry! It doesn't hurt my feelings one bit! I'm working with you to make certain that the ceremony created for your big day is meaningful and special. It's all about you! After I have drafted the ceremony, I send the copy for you to look over. This is where we really do become a team. As you look over your draft, I ask that you make notes in it where you would like elements added, removed, or altered. When you've done that, you send it my way and I fix it up for you! We might do this once, or even 15 times depending on what you choose, but by the end of the process I want you to be happy with what we have come up with together. Next post-Other elements I provide |
AuthorHeather is a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant serving Denver and the surrounding areas. Archives
August 2019
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